[imagination wielder]

BIG BANG IS BACK! BLUE! Singing my blues ~~

2012-02-22T10:22:00.001+02:00

The kings have returned.

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

2012-02-02T20:52:00.000+02:00

"You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
they're memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"

- Woodkid, Someone like you (Adele cover)

I'll just leave this here.

2012-01-22T23:00:00.000+02:00

Words.

2012-01-15T18:39:00.000+02:00

I earlier posted this to tumblr, put I will post it here too, because I finally found words to somehow summarize what I feel.

I've got depressed friends.

And they have taught me a lot.

At first I thought it took strength to cry with them, to tell them that I understand. Feel their pain. Try to heal them at any cost even if it meant for me to become depressed too to know their pain better.

Now I think it takes strength to smile. Teach them how to enjoy life and smile with everyone again.

They don’t need crying people around them. They need happiness and joy. They need to heal themselves and I can just show them what the depression has made them blind to.

How to enjoy life.

“…Don’t ever leave me.”

MBLAQ - It's war (Live on MBC Music Core)

2012-01-14T11:27:00.000+02:00

In my oppinion there's nothing on this earth sexier than Seungho doing the It's war choreography.

MBLAQ - If you came into my heart (feat. C-Luv)

2012-01-12T19:36:00.000+02:00

"I would run,
I would fly,
If you came into my heart.
I would stay next to you like river water flows,
If you came into my heart.

Someday I say you and I will be together,
If you hug me then.

I would run,
I would fly,
If you came into my heart.
I would stay next to you like river water flows,
If you came into my heart.

You that shook my heart up so much,
You know I can’t leave.
Look at me - Don’t ever let go the two hands that are holding on now.

I would run,
I would fly,
If you came into my heart.
Then I would stay next to you like river water flows.
If you came into my heart."

Tylsyyskuolema.

2012-01-12T14:23:00.000+02:00

Horoskooppimerkkisi? - Vesimies
Oletko ihastunut? - En.
Minkä harrastuksen haluaisit aloittaa? – Työn.
Tykkäätkö elämästäsi? – En.
Lempivärisi? – Oranssi.
Lempi tv-ohjelma? – En tykkää telkusta.
Minkä väriset silmät sinulla on? – Värittömät.

TODAY
Halasitko tänään ketään? – En.
Kuka sai sinut nauramaan viimeksi? - Sny.
Kuka puhui sinulle viimeksi? – Äit.
Oliko/tuleeko hyvä päivä? – Varmaan paska.'

RANDOM
Komein miesnäyttelijä? – Tykkään enemmän artisteista, mutta jos MV't lasketaan näyttelemiseksi niin Yang Seungho.
Mitä odotat tällä hetkellä eniten? – Stressittömyyttä.
Uskotko rakkauteen ensisilmäyksellä? - En.
Pahin iskulause mitä sinulle on sanottu? – Ootko lesbo?
Mihin maahan matkustaisit jos saisit valita ihan minkä tahansa? – Etelä-Korea.
Laita tähän viimeisin lähetetty viestisi – Joo, oli ajatuski että ottaisin mukaan jotain teitä XD oon varmaan kuskina ja juon sitte omina synttäreinä.
Pusu vai hali? – Pusu.
Rastitus- vai vastausgallupit? – Molempien skeida-arvo on niin korkeella että en kykene koherentisti vastaamaan.
Monetko kengät omistat? – Kaks molempiin jalkoihin.

MUSIC
Soitetuin kappale tällä hetkellä? – MBLAQ - It's War
Komein mieslaulaja? – Yang Seungho, Lee Changsun
Mihin biisiin et kyllästy ikinä? – MBLAQ - Y
Mihin biisiin liittyy eniten muistoja? – 22 vuotta musiikinkuuntelua takana niin on vähän vittumaista mennä sanomaan mikä biisi ois eniten sidoksissa muistoihin.
Surullisin kappale jonka tiedät? – Kaikki Nell'in ja Zitten'in tuotannosta ja suurin osa Epik High'n tuotannosta.

LOVE
Onko sydämesi särkynyt koskaan? – On.
Piknik puistoon vai rannalle lentistä? – Lentistä.
Haluaisitko joskus lapsia? – En.

FRIENDS
Monta oikeasti hyvää ystävää sinulla on? – 6.
Kumpia kavereissa enemmän, poikia vai tyttöjä? – Tyttöjä.
Tykkäätkö halailla kavereidesi kanssa? – Joo.
Vaihteletteko vaatteita? – Ei ellei tilanteeseen liity pienimuotoinen nyysimisen konsepti.
Oletko usein yökylissä kavereilla? – En.
Pidättekö pyjamabileitä? – Ei.
Milloin viimeksi sait uuden ystävän? – Vuosi sitte pariksi päiväksi.
Monta facebookkaveria sinulla on? - Olisko 38.

SUMMER
Minkä unelman tahtoisit toteuttaa ensi kesänä? – Löytää opiskelupaikan jossa kykenen opiskelemaan.
Menetkö kesätöihin? – Enpä usko.
Lempijäätelömaku? – Vanilja.
+35 C vai +22 C? - +22
Lempikukka? – Päivänkakkara.
Haluatko mielummin shoppailla vai matkailla? – Matkailla.

+ Kuka on soittanut sinulle viimeksi? - Sny.
+ Kuka on lähettänyt viestin sinulle viimeksi? – Kartsa.
+ Kuka halasi sinua viimeksi? - Sny.
+ Mielialasi? – Perus.
+ Mikä biisi soi? – MBLAQ - It's War.
+ Mihin vaatteisiin olet pukeutunut? – Punaset pillifarkut ja villapaita.
+ Milloin viimeksi riitelit jonkun kanssa? - Tänään.
+ Oletko pitkävihainen? – Riippuu rikoksesta.
+ Suutelisitko henkilöä jota viimeksi ajattelit? - En.
+ Montako tyynyä sängystäsi löytyy? – 2
+ Minkä elokuvan katsoit viimeksi? – Tie Eldoradoon.
+ Mitä teet huomenna – Istun varmaan sisällä.
+ Kelle viimeksi puhuit mesessä? - Sny.
+ Kelle olet lähettänyt 5. tekstiviestin? – Sny.
+ Onko sulla parhaat ystävät? – Ootko vitun retardi? On.
+ Oletko jonkun kanssa riidoissa? - En.
+ Pystytkö luottamaan johonkin? – Luotan että tää tuoli perseeni alla kestää vielä.
+ Pitääkö joku sinusta? – Varmastikin.
+ Ketä mietit? – Kavereita.
+ Haluaisitko hänet viereen? - Tottakai.
+ Millanen sää nyt on? – En tiedä, en oo käyny ulkona ku tupakalla aamulla.

KAHDEKSAN TOTUUTTA EILISESTÄ
Näitkö ihastustasi? – En ole ihastunut.
Oliko kiva päivä? – Aluksi.
Olitko tietokoneella? – Juu.
Opitko jotain uutta? – Paljonkin Rosson palvelusta.
Teitkö jotain mitä et tee yleensä? – Kyllä.
Teitkö yhtään urheilusuoritusta? – Kävelin Oulun keskustassa.
Monelta aloit nukkumaan? – Puoli 1.

KAHDEKSAN TOTUUTTA NYKYHETKESTÄ
Onko sinulla lävistyksiä? – Kielessä.
Mitä sinulla on päälläsi? – Edelleen ne samat rievut ku mainitsin aiemmin.
Oletko tyytyväinen elämääsi? – Enpä oikein.
Minkälainen olo sinulla on nyt? – Tylsä paska olo.
Onko sänkysi pedattu? – Mitä vittua ei tietenkää.

TÄYSIN REHELLISESTI
Tietääkö ihastuksesi että tykkäät hänestä? – Kuka teini tän kyselyn on tehny ku tää on jo kolmas vastaava kysymys. EN ole ihastunut vieläkään.
Milloin näet hänet seuraavaksi? – 100 eaa.
Onko sinulla sellaista ystävää, jolle voit kertoa kaikki huolesi? – On.
Voisitko elää ilman ystäviä? – En.
Missä kuussa olet syntynyt? – Tam.
Miksi teet tätä? – Koska kuolen tylsyyteen mutta ilmeisesti tämä oli huono ajanviettoidea.

RANDOM
Kuka nukkui viimeksi vieressäsi - Naomi.
Kuka puhui kanssasi viimeksi puhelimessa? – En muista.
Kuka nauroi viimeksi kanssasi? - Iskä.
Kuka piti sinua kädestä viimeksi? - Naomi.
Oletko ollut lähellä kuolemaa? – Enkai.
Onko perheenjäseniäsi kuollut? – On.
Bikinit vai t-paita? - T-paita.
Hame vai farkut? – Farkut.
Toppi vai pitkähihane? – Pitkähihane.

RAKKAUS
Oletko sinkku? – Jup.
Miksi näin? – Olen julkisesti julistautunut ikisinkuksi.
Kuka on viimeksi sanonut rakastavansa sinua? – Naomi, oon varma siitä.
Rakastatko sinäkin häntä? – Hell yes.
Haluaisitko tällä hetkellä jonkun lähelle? – Yang Leader is that you?

Clearing stuff out in my head

2012-01-08T21:55:00.000+02:00

This is not an angst update though it might sound like one. I'm actually feeling pretty calm, composed and happy -Even though this post is about psychiatrists, depression and crappy doctors.

But right now I can't seem to be able to do anything.

I'm quite happy, less depressed. More active, less lazy. I try to think less, have more fun. I try to knowingly guide my thoughts to the positive, and kick the negative out. It has worked out better than I expected. Maybe I have more willpower than I thought.

But has that caused me to end up where I am now?

I can't draw anymore. I just can't hold a pencil, or if I get past that, my mind falls flat and I have to drop the pen. There's no images in my mind. No inspiration to drain my art from. Same goes for music. I used to sing from dusk to dawn, but now. If I try to put thought in to it and really sing, I can't get the voice to leave my throat. Singing and drawing used to be the only things that a lonely me could do to climb up from feeling like shit - the only way to feel like dreams could actually come true.

If me being happy makes me unable to draw and sing, I don't know if this is happiness at all?

Why doesn't shit just work out perfectly?

Psychiatrist and other of the sort try to convince it's better to live in the world where everyone else lives. Get therapy or drugs if you're a dreamer. But what if my dreams make me a better person? Make me feel like I'm worth all of this? Of course there is that shit side of equal depression. But I feel like losing everything I used to be able to do. I grew my skills with my depression, and it feels like having that taken from me also takes away my skills. I can't understand, or choose, wheater to be happy and completely useless or depressed and capable?

My willpower makes me choose happiness. I think I'll grow new skills.

Once again they're saying that I need to start my drugs again, get back on the pills. They say it wasn't wise from me to stop taking them. And here I was thinking I'd be more normal if I wasn't medicated, like most of us. I don't know. The drugs made me feel like a different person, and they didn't work for shit - they didn't work the way I needed them to work. Without the drugs I'm me, with them I am a puppet forced to feel happy and forced to sleep. I've decided I don't need them now, and I won't take them again, if there's no serious cause. I feel I've been working with my healing and cured enough to take this into my own hands.

Also here's the newest update concerning my worth crap legs. They're saying I need more surgery.

Can you believe it.

I've gone through 5 surgeries and neither of my knees are ok, they're worse than they've ever been because every surgery was messed up. Nothing has worked. Now they say I need to have a bone broken, cut in half my shin bone. Then they'd turn the other half of the bone and attach it back. The nerves in my legs are already trashed. My legs and feet are cold and I have chronic pain, sometimes bad enough to take my good nights sleep away. I can walk without getting prostetic knee joints for another 10 years they say.

Can you believe that either.

I can't believe they expect me to trust them through a sixth surgery with even more chances or failure and more horrible chronic pain. I think during my 22 yrs of living I've grown to tolerate this stage enough to decline the 6th surgery now. I don't trust them and I think I never will again. If I can live another 10 years like this, able to walk, still able to sleep, then I will take that and be a criple later. I don't think I could handle losing any more years recovering from surgeries. I spent more than half of my teenage years separating myself from a possible "good life" with friends, sports, activities. Knowing my knees couldn't take it, knowing I was too enveloped in my pride to bother anyone with anymore surgery stories, comments about pain or declining fun activities together because I couldn't go jumping or runing around.

I am thankfull my knees got worse early enough for me to quit dreaming about being a runner, which was my favorite hobby and the sport I was most succesfull in in school. Now I can't remember those times anymore, I have nothing to miss. I'm thankfull I've found my skills in drawing, music and writing.

In the end I can honestly say in a long while I haven't been as happy as I am now. Maybe it's the pride I take from taking responsibility in my life. I don't need crappy doctors and shitty surgeries I don't need mind altering medication or good for nothing psychiatrists. I am what I am, I am good at what I am good at and I live my life the way I live it, not in a way anyone else would.

Boa - Duvet

2012-01-08T13:19:00.000+02:00

I was listening to my kpop folder, and accidentally found something that wasn't actually the Korean BoA, but some band fom England called Boa. And I loved the song.

La messagereby ~ambrosia3

"And you don't seem to understand
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing

I am falling
I am fading
I have lost it all

And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame that I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
And you know I don't mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing

I am falling
I am fading
I am drowning, help me to breathe
I am hurting
I have lost it all
I am losing, help me to breathe."

Keane - We might as well

2012-01-07T14:56:00.005+02:00

"I don't know your face no more

Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know"

COMEBLAQ!! IT'S WAR!! MBLAQ!! TEASER!! 2012!! 100% VER.!!

2012-01-05T18:41:00.000+02:00

MBLAQ IS BACK!! FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD RN!! (:

To hell with this

2012-01-04T22:22:00.002+02:00

Ok, so today, I GOT A COMMENT! This person said SHE LIKES MY BLOG!

SERIOUSLY!
LIKES MY BLOG!! AND I UPDATE THIS LIKE...ONCE A MONTH? What?!

So I decided, since I've become so graciously active on tumblr, youtube, facebook etc. and I never seem to get anything else done than sitting on my ass RIGHT HERE: WELL, why the hell wouldn't I also update my blog?

OKAY, SO HEAR THIS. You know tumblr? Well I was there, searching DUBULGE stuff, you know (just google it -fuck I'll do it for you)

so that guy is Onew aka DUBU and bulge is that area of crotch, bulging from his pants because of the HUGEEEEEEEEE COCK HE'S HIDING THERE.
--I WAS SAYING. I searched dubulge stuff and found a yahoo question screenshot of someone asking WHAT IS DUBULGE? And the explanation was very similar to mine, explaining with a picture. And I read the picture link. AND IT WAS MINE. MY OLD BLOG HERE IN BLOGSPOT. THERE'S NO WAY THE ONE WHO WROTE THE ANSWER COULD HAVE FOUND THAT?!?! Anywhere but Google. But still, miraculous. Without me knowing I have become the largest dubulge tumblr community's DUBULGE PROPHET! And I am proud.

And so on.
Look at this dude, MBLAQ's Mir. He lost a game and he got this punishment: Scratch walls and laugh.

He's nuts.

Love beyond words.

2011-12-28T19:47:00.003+02:00

I love this more than anything.
It's like they're singing straight through my soul.
Seriously.

Now I want to go to a gay club

2011-12-03T21:03:00.001+02:00

Lmao, the oldest, BESTEST shitty prank ever must be the one where you trick your friends to go to a gay bar, right?? It's even funnier when it has happened to someone you know. My bro's two friends, both guys, were out and someone had suggested them to got to a cool new bar, night club, in Oulu. And lucky for the prankster the guys had never heard of the place. So they went there. The doorman even said "You guys do know what kinda place you've payed yourselves to get in, right?" And they'd just said "Ye, some cool new bar." It wasn't until a mid aged man suddenly came up to them and started to massage one of the guys' shoulders, that they realized there were kissing gay couples all around. LMAO. I laughed so much when the dude was telling me this. I mean, the situation even, when he went there with one of his guy friends. It must've seemed like they were dating or hunting at least. Ohhhhh snap. It was such a success for the trickster dude. LMAOS FOREVER.

Playing Homestuck again

2011-12-02T16:46:00.002+02:00

And it's making me smile. I dunno. Like this funny miracle just happening in my heart.
The trolls are pestering Rose again. Fuck them.

<- Distinguished Houseguest 1
aka "The Mummydoll"

QUOTE:

"TT: Have we spoken before?

GA: Yes
GA: In The Future

TT: You and your friends never cease to invent ways to strengthen the credibility of your assertions.

GA: Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again
GA: I Enjoy Listening To It And I Wish Doing So Could Serve As My Primary Form Of Recreation
GA: There See I Just Did It Too
GA: Saying The Opposite Thing To Emphasize My Contempt
GA: But Suddenly I Feel More Primitive And Hate Myself A Little More
GA: It Was Like This Funny Miracle That Just Happened In My Heart"

The troll seems to be correct this time.

LMAOLMAOLMAO I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH ELF TEARS!

"TRUFFLE SHUFFLE LEVEL 2! You show the beast what you, and fat kids everywhere, are made of."

Fuck this shit once again.

2011-11-30T20:30:00.002+02:00

c. narva

I used to watch people's hands.

I don't know if it's weird. But I saw all kinds of things just by watching how people worked with their hands. I saw their personality. How much commitment they put into their work. It was so weird. Everyone seemed so...perfect. Like they knew exactly what they were supposed to do.

There was so much confidence.

I looked at my friends' hands when they were drawing in art class. How their fingers held the pen with such ease and...everything they did...looked just like them. Can you imagine? How I saw it all...just like that.

I was happy, happy and excited. It seemed like seeing that side of them and seeing that energy just made it flow right into me and I tried to do what they did. Not copy. But...look like myself. Work like my personality was such a fluent, easy flowing part of me. Like I was confident.

But I never really looked at my hands like I looked at theirs. I tried so hard. All the time. Just kept trying and trying and trying and it wore me out. Then I took a deep breath and lay my eyes on my own hands.

My fingers just didn't seem...the same. I lacked..everything. Personality. Confidence. There was nothing. I held nothing. Just the fact of trying. I tried. But my hands were empty. Fingers were nothing but bone, flesh and skin.

I wanted to stop trying. Still at times I do. I worked hard and made it look like I had all that, all that my friends' had. It looks like I have it now. But I don't really think so. It's all a learned habit. Working around the corners and hiding the lack of...

I feel like I still don't have anything else but trying.

I will never hear a more beautiful song.

2011-11-27T17:10:00.000+02:00

Or a more beautiful voice.

"We met, for seven years.

No one knew we would say goodbye this easily.

However we still separated,

With the memories we built for a long time, now gone.

How did we, at such a young age

Meet each other, I don’t even remember how.

Difficult for us to handle the maps of our changing selves.

They said saying goodbye is painful,

But I didn’t even have time to feel that.

I just thought this is the way, staying composed.

But I cried.

Time passed, it gave me a simple yearning.

Different from what my mind was seeing.

At first friends, then lovers

We said we’d stay as friends even if we separated.

During those 3 years spent alone,

We contacted each other sometimes.

Even if I met someone else again,

Even if I loved again.

Whenever I was sad I would call you without a word just tears falling.

You have to meet a good person,

I thought in my heart without any words.

I asked if you still liked me without any thought of hoping you'd say it back.

I know,

We had the most pure love.

Back then we thought that kind of love couldn’t be achieved again so we saved it in out memories.

Often I feel this coldness coming from you.

But now I know you can not ask anything.

“I’m getting married” is what you said to me.

After that for a long time I was speechless.

Then I cried.

They were your last words to me.

For the only words I wanted to hear was that you loved me."

Quiz

2011-11-27T16:33:00.001+02:00

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed, but sometimes I leave them open because my cat like's to go and sleep on my clothes.
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Fuck ye I do.
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tucked in.
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No, but I've always wanted one.
5: Do you like to use post-it notes?
Yes!
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I never cut out coupons and I never use coupons.
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Neither, I stay away from woods with bears and I'd never be stupid enough to anger a swarm of bees, so there.
8: Do you have freckles?
In the summer yes.
9: Do you always smile for pictures?
When someone else is taking the picture, yes.
10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Talking during movies if the movie is supposed to be watched and not just for adding background party noise.
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
I used to, but not anymore.
12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
Sure I have.
13: What about pooped in the woods?
No.
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
Yes, if someone's singing my favorite song.
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Used to, but not anymore.
16: How many people have you slept with this week?
It's a clean ZERO.
17: What size is your bed?
I barely fit alone.
18: What is your Song of the week?
Super Junior - Mr. Simple
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Yes. Anything.
20: Do you still watch cartoons?
Always.
21: Whats your least favorite movie?
Moulin Rouge, Amelie etc.
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Under my house.
23: What do you drink with dinner?
Water.
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Sweet&Sour sauce.
25: What is your favorite food?
Rice, chicken, anything with sweet&sour, sushi, spaghetti bolognese (:
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Tae Guk Ki, 3iron,
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Birthday boy Kartsa
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Yes.
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Yes (;;;;
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Far too long.

31: Can you change the oil on a car?
No.
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Never.
33: Ever ran out of gas?
Nope.
34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Grilled chicken, mayo, cheese, a lot of fresh veggies

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Fruit

36: What is your usual bedtime?
Around 12pm.
37: Are you lazy?
Extremely.
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Nope, no Halloween here.
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
No clue.
40: How many languages can you speak?
Barely Finnish. Obviously some English.
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No.
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Legos.
43: Are you stubborn?
No, I guess. I can admit if I'm wrong. _IF_
44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Both suck serious monkey balls.
45: Ever watch soap operas?
Yes.
46: Are you afraid of heights?
Nope.
47: Do you sing in the car?
Yes.
48: Do you sing in the shower?
Nope.
49: Do you dance in the car?
Yes.
50: Ever used a gun?
Yes.
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Passport photos some years ago.
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Yes, but I like cheesy musicals. Some...maybe. Fuck it. I only like Glee.
53: Is Christmas stressful?
A bit. Got presents to buy, cards to draw, stuff to bake...
54: Ever eat a pierogi?
No.
55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
We don't eat fruit pies around here.
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Singer, athlete
57: Do you believe in ghosts?
In my own way yes.
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Ye, I have them quite often at times.
59: Take a vitamin daily?
I'm too forgetful.
60: Wear slippers?
Nope.
61: Wear a bath robe?
Noo.
62: What do you wear to bed?
T-shirt, socks and panties/boxers.
63: First concert?
Don't remember, maybe some kids band, but the first concert I really wanted to go and see was MUCC.
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Gaymart.
65: Nike or Adidas?
Sladidas.
66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
Fuck em both.
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Sunflower seeds.
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Ye.
69: Ever take dance lessons?
Ye.
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
He/She can do what the ever they want.
71: Can you curl your tongue?
Ye.
72: Ever won a spelling bee?
WTF, no.
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes, many times.
74: Own any record albums?
Ye.
75: Own a record player?
No.
76: Regularly burn incense?
No.
77: Ever been in love?
Yes.
78: Who would you like to see in concert?
Super Junior.
79: What was the last concert you saw?
GARI
80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Hot.
81: Tea or coffee?
Coffee.
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Sugar.
83: Can you swim well?
Extremely well.
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes.
85: Are you patient?
Yes.
86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
Both.
87: Ever won a contest?
Art contests yes.
88: Ever have plastic surgery?
No. Want to tho.
89: Which are better black or green olives?
I_hate_olives_
90: Can you knit or crochet?
Knit, yes.
91: Best room for a fireplace?
Living room.
92: Do you want to get married?
Not now, and maybe not ever.
93: If married, how long have you been married?
Nopenopenope.
94: Who was your HS crush?
-
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No.
96: Do you have kids?
No.
97: Do you want kids?
Not right now at least. Maybe not ever. I can't think of myself as a good mother material.
98: Whats your favorite color?
Right now orange and yellow.
99: Do you miss anyone right now?
My fandom crushes.

TONIGHT

2011-11-26T15:57:00.000+02:00

Issues.

2011-11-24T12:22:00.002+02:00

To other issues:

VITTUJEE!

2011-11-23T22:15:00.000+02:00

Ja kyllä. Kuuntelen tätä.

Sä oot kerran jo nähnyt miten tää maailma romahtaa /
ja silti jostakin tuhkan seasta noussut ylös taas /
sä oot kerran jo luullut ettet tuu koskaan toipumaan /
ja silti siinä sä kaikkien mukana huudat kovempaa

Niin mä voin luvata /
et aina lopulta sä selviit mistä vaan /
ja ihan todella /
ei ole rajoja nyt kun tanssitaan

Sä alat vihdoin viimein käsittää /
ettet sä tarvii lupaa keneltäkään /
oot liian kaunis häpeemään /
etkä voi yhtään mitään menettää /
joten anna mennä /
joten anna mennä /
kaunis rietas onnellinen /
kaunis rietas onnellinen

Sä oot kerran jo hiljaa elänyt niin kuin pyydetään /
ja tosi hienosti jaksoit sitäkin roolia esittää

Mut älä unohda /
että nyt lopultakin on sun vuoro taas
ja mä voin luvata /
ettei se satuta kun kaiken pudottaa

Sä alat vihdoin viimein käsittää /
ettet sä tarvii lupaa keneltäkään /
oot liian kaunis häpeemään /
etkä voi yhtään mitään menettää /
joten anna mennä /
joten anna mennä /
kaunis rietas onnellinen /
kaunis rietas onnellinen

Oot liian kaunis häpeemään /
etkä voi yhtään mitään menettää /
joten anna mennä /
joten anna mennä /
sä alat vihdoin viimein käsittää /
ettet sä tarvii lupaa keneltäkään /
oot liian kaunis häpeemään /
etkä voi yhtään mitään menettää /
joten anna mennä /
joten anna mennä /
kaunis rietas onnellinen /
kaunis rietas onnellinen /
kaunis rietas onnellinen /
kaunis rietas onnellinen

Bad guy.

2011-11-23T20:46:00.001+02:00

"I hate the hotness,
I hate the side of me that loves you like a fool.

I hate sad songs,
I keep hurting inside while I call your name again with a blocked mouth.

Ah, I`m so sorry.
If you tell me not to cry,
I won’t cry ever again.
Oh, please don’t let go of my hand.

Ah, I`m so sorry.
As this tender heart moves farther away,
it’s burning till it’s black.

This bad guy,
You’re a bad guy.
I live my life looking at you only.

I’m a weak girl,
a nice girl.
If you leave what am I supposed to do,
If you leave what am I supposed to do?

I hate this coldness.
The way you look at me.
I hate the way you look at me.

Ah, I`m so sorry.
Oh, I’ll do everything that you tell me to do,
if we can just go back to the way things were in the beginning.

Ah, I`m so sorry.
My young self was stepped on so easily.
I was ripped apart, and it hurts so much.

This bad guy,
You’re a bad guy.
I live my life looking at you only.

I’m a weak girl,
a nice girl.
If you leave what am I supposed to do,
If you leave what am I supposed to do?

My confidence and my broken pride won’t matter,
if you’ll just come back to me, it’ll all be okay.
Today, again, I’m standing in front of your house.
Just waiting for you.
I’m just a fool that looks only at you.

Seriously,
Live just one day as a girl,
Live just one day looking only at me.

Bad guy,
Stupid boy.
If you leave what am I supposed to do,
If you leave what am I supposed to do?"

WTF SUJU

2011-11-23T17:31:00.001+02:00

1:36
WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?!?! SEX VOICES?? CALLING "OPPAAH!" ?!?! WTF GUYS WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!1 XDDDDDDDd So erotic.... man... more of this. More more more.

follow a sign

2011-11-23T12:10:00.000+02:00

"the empty mind full of lighters" by ~kawako198

"Someone as beautiful as you
Could do much better it's true
That didn't matter to you
I tried so hard to be the one
Its something I couldn't do
Guess I was under the gun

Give me a reason
Why would you want me
To live and die
Living a lie
You were the answer
All that I needed
To justify, justify my life

It's only right
That I should go
And find myself
Before I go and ruin
Someone else

So close so far
I'm lost in time
Ready to follow a sign
If there was only a sign."
the rasmus - justify

Naega nareul miwo haneunge neomu apayo

2011-11-22T18:41:00.000+02:00

Do you know what pain is by any chance?
Do you know how to cry by any chance?
Do you know what loneliness is by any chance?

Excuse me, let me ask you something
excuse me, let me ask you something
Excuse me, let me ask you something
excuse me

Do you know what pain is by any chance?
Do you know how to cry by any chance?
Do you know what loneliness is by any chance?

It hurts hating myself like this

Do you know my name?
Are you even curious?
Are you actually listening to me when I’m talking?

Would you be able to remember my eyes?
Would you be able to feel my scent?
Would you be able to remember that there was a person like me?

Tell me honestly, were you ever like me even once?
When you just wanted to erase all of yourself.

Do you know what pain is by any chance?
Do you know how to cry by any chance?
Do you know what loneliness is by any chance?

Now I want to be like you,
Now I can't endure this anymore
I’m going to throw away the days I hated myself

Excuse me, let me ask you something
excuse me, let me ask you something
Excuse me, let me ask you something
excuse me, let me ask you something...

me gusta le tumblr

2011-11-22T15:05:00.000+02:00

When feeling down

2011-11-19T21:25:00.000+02:00

the thing that helps me through anything,
Chansung, his face, his voice, his eyes, his smile.
Fuck _every_thing_ else.

Hwang Chansung, the lifesaver.

Perjantain tunnelmia

2011-11-18T13:15:00.000+02:00

WHOOOSH MATAFAKAS!!!

Tässä kerkee vielä viimeisen merkinnän kirjottaa ennenku harkittee pakkaamista ja lähtemistä auton rattiin.
VIIKONLOPPU OULUSSA! ToT FUCK YE!!!! Ajan myös ekaa kertaa tälle talvelle "talvikelillä". Vaikkei lunta oo ku nimeksi, mutta kuitenki. No, väitän kyllä olevani melko ihmelapsi ratissa, että toivoa saa ettei talvikeli merkkaa mitäänn... (::::::

Eka Piippolaan, Pulkkilaan sitten alkoon ja kauppaan ja sitten Ouluun! Oho, ainii vittu, kartta, enkai mää muista miten sinne mennään...Hhahahah! No, olen hieman ekstaasissa suunnitelmista kuten huomata saattaa. Toivoittavasti muillakin on kehumisen arvoiset illanvietot mielessä.

GUISE, HAVE A FUCKING GAWJUSH FRIDAY! AND HAVE FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!

Kukavittu.

2011-11-16T20:30:00.001+02:00

Monesti oon tähän asti elämäni aikana miettiny että mikähän mun pitäis olla. Sekä sukupuoleltani että seksuaalisuudeltani.

Joskus oon halunnu olla mies, joskus nainen, ja silti faktaa on että oon tällanen tästä väliltä, enkä oikeen voi valita sitä puoltani. En voi valita, koska tuntuu että oon riittämätön kumpaankin ja silti hyvällä tavalla vähän molempia. Olis feikkausta jos yrittäisin asettua jompaan kumpaan rooliin.

Jos olisin syntyny miehenä, niin kaikki mun ajatukset kävis niin paljon paremmin järkeen. Kaikki mun logiikka, ulkonäköajatukset sun muut, ne kuuluis sille puolelle. Mutta oon kuitenki nainen, ja faktaa on että on ne naisen ajatukset sitte kuinka pieniä tahansa, nii en vois niistäkää luopua. Pahinta on että enemmistö minussa tuntee ittensä mieheksi, enimmän osan ajasta. Enkä voi kuvitella että muuttaisin kaiken elämässäni, kaiken ulkonäössäni, vaihtaisin kortit jotka mulle on jaettu ku synnyin ja tekisin sukupuolenvaihdoksen. Vaikka oonki puhunu siitä. Jopa kotona. Ja saanu hyväksynnän jos koskaan sen teen.

Ja silti. Aina mietin kuinka ahdistavaa on tämä etten tiedä ittekään mitä valintoja voin tehdä.

Jos seurustelen naisen kanssa, en tunne itteäni lesboksi. En todellakaan. Se ahdistaa, ei pue mua, ei yhtään. Tunnen itteni mieheksi joka on piirun verran riittämätön. Ei pysty eikä kykene. Ei voi edes perustaa lapsiperhettä omin voimin. Jos "seurustelen" miehen kanssa, tunnen itteni väärällä perusteella naisen rooliin asetetulta. Se se vasta ahdistaiskin.

Arghh. Kauheinta on se tunne, ku ei osaa enää ajatella sitä hyvää molempien puolten yhdistämistä, vaan ajattelee että ei ole kumpaakaan, ei ole mitään. On vaan friikki. En voi omille tunteilleni mitään tässä tilanteessa, vaikka mulla ei todellakaan ole sukupuolirajoja rikkovia persoonia vastaan mitään, miks olis. Se on hienoa jos sellasen tuntee vapauttavaksi, omaksi itsekseen, saa sen valita ja siitä tehdä osan kaikkea mitä on aina halunnu olla. Mä en voi valita. Mä oon vaan koko elämäni kaivannu sitä turvasatamaa jossa tietäisin olevani kotonani. Ja sitä ei oo löytyny.
Mitä mä voin olla ku en oo mitään mitä pitäis.

Ahdistavaa.

Elämän suuret motot

2011-11-16T18:29:00.001+02:00

I SAY, PARTAYH!

Oh Blaine

2011-11-16T16:31:00.000+02:00

At first we started out real cool (cool)
Taking me places i ain't never been
But now your getting comfortable
Ain't doing those things that you did no more
Your slowly makin' me pay for things
Your money should be handlin'

And now you ask to use my car (car)
Drive it all day and don't fill up the tank
And you have the audacity
To even come and step to me
And ask to hold some money from me
Until you get your check next week

You triflin',good for nothing type of brother
Silly me,why haven't I found another
A baller, when times get hard he's the one to help me out
insted of, a scrub like you who don't know what a man's about

can you pay my bills
can you pay my telephone bills
can you pay my automo'bills
then maybe we can chill
I don't think you do
so you and me are through

You triflin',good for nothing type of brother
Silly me,why haven't I found another
A baller, when times get hard he's the one to help me out
insted of, a scrub like you who don't know what a man's about

can you pay my bills
can you pay my telephone bills
can you pay my automo'bills
then maybe we can chill
I don't think you do
so you and me are through

You triflin',good for nothing type of brother
Silly me,why haven't I found another
You triflin',good for nothing type of brother
Silly me,why haven't I found another

can you pay my bills
can you pay my telephone bills
can you pay my automo'bills
then maybe we can chill
I don't think you do
so you and me are through

can you pay my bills (oh no)
can you pay my telephone bills
can you pay my automo'bills (can you pay my bills)
then maybe we can chill
I don't think you do (no no)
so you and me are through

Paskaapaskaapaskaa

2011-11-15T21:33:00.000+02:00

Haluan kuplan

2011-11-14T14:49:00.002+02:00

Uni

2011-11-14T11:19:00.001+02:00

Näin eeppisen realistista ja loogisesti juonitettua unta, josta muistan muutamia kohtauksia lukuunottamatta pääasiassa sen fiiliksen.

Asuin romussa talossa, seinät oli ohutta lautaa, ikkunanpielistä roikku maalirapistuksia ja vanhat verhonrievut. Se ei ollu mikää läpimätä kämppä vaan rähjänen mutta lämmin ja kodikas. Siellä oli sänky ja villalta haiseva päiväpeitto ja koko kämppä oli täynnä outoo tavaraa. Se oli myös pyöree, niinku joku majakan alakerta, mikä se saatto hyvinki olla koska se oli lähellä rantaa.

Siellä oli myös mun kissat. Odottelin siinä sitte yhtenä hetkenä jotakuta tulevaksi. Se oli joku pahis, mutta en hirveesti pelänny sitä, enemmänki jännitin. Sen sijasta kämppäni oveen koputti parrakas keksijä isäni, joka varoitti minua ottamasta vihollistani liian keveästi. Hänellä oli jotain keksintöjä ja ideoita joita voisin käyttää voittaakseni, isukilla oli myös valkonen takki ja kiireinen olemus.

Iskä siinä sitte pyöri ja meillä oli kiire ja pikkunen paniikki pukkasi päälle. Siinä sitte, voittoon tai kuolemaan valmistautuneena ja uskomattoman loistavassa rohkeassa jännityksessä juttelin kissalleni. Ne ei ollu mitään normikissoja, tai oli, mutta tiesin aina että niissä piili muutaki, miks ne muuten ois eksyny mun kissoiksi. No. Pidin Milania Simbasti käsissäni ja tuijotin silmiin ja yritin taas monennetta kertaa herätellä sitä kosmista, maagista yhteyttä mieliemme välille, ku joskus tuntu että kissat ymmärtää vähä liianki hyvin ja ihan ku ne yrittäis kommunikoida.

JA PAM. Siinä hetkessä yhtäkkiä kuulin selvän äänen päässäni, Milanin suu ei liikkunu mutta se kommunikoi mielten välityksellä. Seki varotti mua mutta valoi myös rohkeutta ja luottamusta isäni apuun joka saattaisi olla ratkaiseva loppupeleissä, vaikka itseluottamus olisikin tärkeintä. Olin vieläki yllättyny siitä että vaikeasti ylläpidettävä mielten yhteys pelasi vihdoin, vaikka välillä se "linja" särisi ja oli hankala ymmärtää, mutta mun piti keskittyä ajattelemaan Milania enempänä kuin vain kissana, ja sillon se toimi. No, koska olin kosmisessa oudossa yhteydessä ja mahdollisesti kuoleman partaalla kunhan se vihollinen saapuisi, niin kysyin Milanilta: "Onko sitä Jumalaa sitten olemassa?" Ja Milan vastasi: "Ei , on vain Kirjaston Pöllöjumala." Kysyin uudestaan. "Eikö ollenkaan Jumalaa?" Ja Milan sanoi: "Ei."

Myöhemmin kävin Pyhäntä järvessä uimassa ja häpeilin sheivaamattomia sääriäni.

A house is not a home.

2011-11-13T21:42:00.000+02:00

"A chair is still a chair
Even when there's no one sittin' there
But a chair is not a house
And a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight
Woah girl

A room is a still a room
Even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house
And a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart

Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it's just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears

Pretty little darling, have a heart
Don't let one mistake keep us apart
I'm not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there
Sayin' that you're still in love with me, yeah

I'm not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there, still in love
I said, still in love, still in love with me, yeah

Are you gonna be in love with me?
I want you and need you to be, yeah
Still in love with me
Say you're gonna be in love with me
It's drivin' me crazy to think
That my baby couldn't be still in love with me

Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be? Say you're gonna be
Well well, well well

Still in love, so in love, still in love with me
Are you gonna be?
Say that you're gonna be
Still in love with me, yeah

With me, oh
Still in love with me, yeah."

Tuli mieleen

2011-11-13T09:46:00.001+02:00

Yes, you!

Ku oltiin äitin kanssa sukulaisissa ja serkun tyttölapsi istu ruokapöydässä kuuntelemassa juttuja. Neidistä itestään puhuttiin siinä sitte ja tämä tokasee että: "Ei minusta saa puhua." No kaikki oli vaan että No tottakai saa ku hyvää puhutaan, ja pikkusen myöhemmin että Kylläpä on pikkuneitistä tullu nirppanokka ku hänestä ei saa etes puhua.

Miettikää ny. Jossain vaiheessa ku pikkusen kasvaa ja alkaa maailman menosta ymmärtää nii kyllä varmasti tulee vastaan sellanen raja, ettei mielellään kuuntele tämän sortin puheita: "Muistatteko ku se pikku Julle kakkasi housuun ja sen ilme oli niin yllättyny sellanen *imitoi OoO* Voi että se oli hauskaa!" Ja "Muistatko sen kuvan minkä pikku Julle piirsi sulle lahjaksi, se prinsessa ja voi voi että oli sulosta ku se ei osannu piirtää käsiä vaan ne oli sellaset tassun näköset."

Mulla itellä tulee ainaki mieleen se vaikean häpeilevä nolo-olo ku muistan että musta ollaan puhuttu tuohon sävyyn. Hahah! Ihan sama vaikka olis kuinka söpöä mutta siinä vaiheessa ku alkaa persoona ja itseys kehittyä, niin vaikka housuun paskominen on kuinka söpöä, niin ihmiset ei halua kuulla ittestään puhuttavan siihen sävyyn. Haluaisikko ite? Nyt?

I know. Aina penskoista puhutaan niinku ne ei ois läsnä! Vanhemmilla menee sellanen järkevyyden taju ku sellanen nappisilmä söpöläinen oma jälkeläinen siinä temmeltää. Ei tietenkää penskoihin pidä suhtautua niinku aikusiin mutta minä ainaki jos ikinä saan kakaroita nii haluan muistaa muunmuassa tämän, etten lepertele paskavaipoista niinku joku lemmikinomistaja.

Tai no. Mitäs vittua. Kostetaan jälkipolville ja levitetään paskavaippojen häpeäntuoksua kunnialla.

Julkaisukelpoista

2011-11-12T18:57:00.000+02:00

sisäpiirinjuttua Devassa.

Vittu nii

2011-11-12T16:05:00.000+02:00

Kylläpä tuli taas paasausta : DDDdddddfg LÖRÖRÖRÖRÖRÖRÖ. No mutta ei sinäsä oo angstia. Provosoitunutta turinointia vittumaisista asioista.

Vittuku penskana piti aina jotenki listata päässä kaverit parhausjärjestykseen, ja sitte siitä juteltiinki kavereitten kanssa että kuka on nyt se paras ystävä ja kenestä ei nyt satu tykkäämään. Nohuhhu. Oli seki. Melekosta.

Musta se on ihan sairasta että läheisistä ja itelle tärkeistä olennoista pitäs saaha aikaan joku tärkeysjärjestys. Mulla ei ainakaa oo sellasta. Tärkeitä ihmisiä rakastaa, ihan sama mikä oli. Joskus on ehkä jotai tunteita jotka vaikuttaa siihen kuinka tärkeeltä joku tuntuu. Kuten vaikka ikävä. Mullon aina ikävä! ARGH! Jopa nyt ku oon kotona nii mulla on ikävä näitä jotka asuu naapurissa! MIKS VITUSSA NÄÄN TEITÄ VAA KERRAN KUUSSA, tai jotain. Saatanan vittu : D Alkaa pelkkä Raahe jo ahistaa siks ku se pitää mua erossa teistä. Istun siellä kusisen hajusessa kämpässä yksin, naapurissa kuuro mummo ja seurana kolme kissaa.

Ja ikävä Oulua, joka taas yllättäen on kaikkien suosiossa nyt ku minä lähin sieltä T__T Saatana. Ikävä sitä. Luksus yksiötä luksuskerrostalon yläkerrassa, vaikka se maksoki ihan helvetisti ja oli vitun pieni. No ei oikeesti koskaan enää sellaseen hulluuden koppiin. Mutta Oulu. Yyh.

Minä arvostan ihmisiä, erilaisia persoonia, ajattelutapoja, toimintatapoja. Ihan vitun siistiä että mulla on näin monipuolinen kaarti kavereita ja voin jokaista rakastaa sellasina ihanina idiootteina ja älykkäinä ölliäisinä ku ne onki. Ja kaikkein parasta on se että syntyy kommentteja ja muuta paskaa, jonkun näkemys on täysin vastoin jonkun toisen näkemystä ja silleen. Vitun hauskaa keskustella sellasista, mutta VIHAAN NIITÄ JOTKA HEITTÄYTYY "VIHAAN SITÄ" KOMMENTTINSA JÄLKEEN TÄYSIN KESKUSTELUKYVYTTÖMIKSI, eikä oo valmiita perustelemaan paskaa näkökantaansa mitenkää. Perusteluja. Minä en kaveeraa ääliöiden kanssa.

Yks juttu on mitä vihaan kans. Että joku mun kaveri ei tykkää jostain toisesta ja näyttää sen. NÄYTTÄÄ SEN. OIKEESTI. SILLON KU _MINÄ_ YRITÄN VIIMESILLÄ INHIMILLISYYDEN RIPPEILLÄ PITÄÄ YLLÄ ILMAPIIRIÄ. Ok. Voi lähtee siitä sitte, voi olla paska, mutta ei tarvi luulla että minä unohdan sellasta käytöstä. Varsinki jos se vaikuttaa sen kolmannen osapuoliparan mieleen.

Vittu mulle ei tarvi alkaa tunkeen vihaansa jostai joka merkkaa mulle.Vittu. Sanoo mitä sanoo ja selittää vaikka vaan yhellä sanalla, kunhan ees yrittää! Saa kommentoija ja keskustella ja kysyä ja "arvostella" mutta saatana sille pitää olla muuki selitys ku se että _ei halua ymmärtää_. VITTU. Mää tarvin perusteluja. Ne on mun kavereita kaikki ja vaikka et niille ois velkaa mitään nii mulle ainaki. Enkä minä ala mielellään valitteen puolia, mutta jos joku käyttäytyy niinku vittupää, nii kyllä mä lähen sen mukaan joka EI oo samanlainen paska. JA jos on pakkotilanne, että pitää olla samassa huoneessa, nii täytyy siinä ny olla joku muuki ku itsekäs viha ku tietää että molemmilla henkilöillä on mulle merkitystä. Jos loukkaa turhaan toista nii loukkaa muaki. Teeskentely on mahollisuus. Jokaine osaa istua vaikeessa tilanteessa hetken ja näyttää toimeliaalta vaikka omien ajatustensa kanssa. Mutta vittu sitä, joka mun eessä saa mun toisen kaverin tuntemaan olonsa kusiseksi, saatana, sellanen kaipaa kunnon turpasaunaa.

MÄÄ EN KESTÄ PUHUMATTOMUUTTA. Varsinki jos puhumaton idiootti tietää mitä sen mielipiteet saa aikaan, että ne on kaikkien tiedossa ja pinnan alla mutta niiden annetaan vaa muhia siellä ja sitte ku nähään nii.. VITTU, EN OSAA SELITTÄÄ TÄTÄ. Toiset vaan käyttää sitä manipuloinnin välineenä. VITTU, TEKIS MIELI HUITOO PÄIN KORVIA SELLASIA. ARGH. En kestä. Tää aihe provosoi mua.

Joo joo, paskaa on teeskennellä ja kenen tarvii, ei kenenkää, mutta inhimillisyyden rajoissa voi käyttäytyä.

Vihaan myös sitä, että ihmiset ei anna periksi vaikka kyse olis mielipide asiasta. HELVETTI. Sitte vasta on hyvä mieli ku pakkovääntää toisesta ulos samat sanat ku ite sanoo?? Pitää olla sen verran pokkaa että kuuntelee toistenki suusta niitten omat mielipiteet. Jotkut angstiset ei vaan anna olla ja yrittää manipuloida ja vääntää tilannetta nii, että hyvä on vasta ku toisella on samanlainen angsti. Minä en lähe semmoseen mukaan että jos yritän piristää tai jututtaa tai pitää aiheen jossain muualla ilosemman ilmapiirin nimissä, nii joku märisee siihen päälle ja iloitsee vasta ku kaikki muutki märisee ja on samassa jamassa. Ymmärtäkäätten tai älkäätten.

"Which Finger" by pandaBee21

2011-11-12T13:52:00.000+02:00

Devassa pandaBee21

Henkilökohtaisesti

2011-11-12T11:55:00.000+02:00

Ja mikäänhän ei oo niin ihanan kutkuttavan mielenkiintosta ku lukee henkilökohtasia asioita.

Pohdinpa tässä ollessani koko blogini tarkotusta. Mulla on ollu sarjisblogia ja taideblogia ja fanficblogia ja henk.koht blogia ja julkista blogia ja vittu vaikka mitä. Jopa useita noista eri pleisseissä yhtä aikaa. Vitut siitä. En jaksa miljoonia blogeja tai yhtenäistä teemaa. Kirjotan enkuks tai suomeks, päivitän kuvia tai valitustarinoita tai videoita - aivan niinkun tähänkin asti - tästä lähtien vain itsekin punaisen langattomuuteni huomioiden. Mun blogi, mun paskat. Ainii ja myöski, ajattelin että sama se, kuinka julkisesti olen tätä mainostanu niin tää on mun lähes-yhtä-henkilökohtainen-kuin-päiväkirja-BLOGI. Ja kirjotan tästä lähtien tänne häpeilemättä mitä mieleen tulee. :---) Miks mun pitäis olla epäinhimillinen rauhaa rakastava kaikkien perseitä nuoleva takinkääntäjä, ku voin olla normaali sopivasti itserakas ja hitusen kusipää.

Kannattaa siis odottaa provosoituneita ja provosoivia tarinantynkiä ja raapustuksia.

---

Luin frendin blogista paasausta aiheesta Miksi "ruman ja lihavan" tusina-teini-spammi-kuvia kehutaan interwebsissä. Ja täytyy myöntää että oon kyllä aivan samaa mieltä. Tai siis ymmärrän joo, että miksi joku tekee. Tässä kyseisessä tapauksessa täysin syyttä monet ihailee tätä henkilöä, ihannoi jopa. Eikai siinä totuuksia sitten aleta laukomaan toisen naamavärkistä vaan väritetään mitä kauneimmin kommentit. Ja tässä ei oo kyseessä ystävyys nyt, vaan tällanen sairaalloinen..pikkupaikkakunnan kiikariin osunu tenu jota kaikki rakastaa vaikka sillä on huonoja piirteitä muille jakaa. Kai se on se itsevarmuus mikä kaikesta huolimatta saa persoonan loistamaan, oli sitte kusipää tai ei, ja sillon ihailu johtaa tollasee valheelliseen jalustalle nostamiseen. Ja se johtaa siihen että kyseinen pelle kerää tollasta paisunutta itserakkautta ja oikeuttaa ylemmyydellään kaikki röyhkeimmätki tekonsa. We all know those. Fucking assholes.

Ja kaikesta valituksesta huolimatta kommenttien sievistelyä tapahtuu kaikkien tahoilta. Jokaisella inhimillisellä olennolla on se suodatin turpavärkissä, joka pitää jutut asiallisina. Joojoo, pitää olla rehellinen, mutta ei tarvi silti olla kusipää. Ellei halua? Hahha. Maailma ois ihan perseestä jos ei ois rumia, yli-itserakkaita, totuuksia laukovia kusipäitä ja naurettavia valheellisesti sievisteleviä pellejä.

Boomslank

2011-11-12T11:07:00.000+02:00

BOOMSLANK!
Wow, such cool designs. I fucking want one of those T-shirts.

Infact, I already found my favorite one. Zero Frame.
Transformers style. I FUCKING LOVE TRANSFORMERS!

LINK ME YOUR BLOG

2011-11-12T10:53:00.001+02:00

I'm so fucking sad and mad that I've changed my blog so many times. Even some of my best friends have fallen off the waggon and don't know my blog address. Also, they seem to do the same thing, changing their address and I have no clue what blog they use nowadays! SO NOW, BUDDIES, FRENEMIES, ANYONE WHO HAPPENS TO DROP BY, vittu, Link your active blog here.


Enjoy this delicious gayporn. Kiran (c) kishippu, Still (c) me

Oli taas

2011-11-11T19:05:00.000+02:00

tänään puhetta siitä kartiokomistuksesta.

Hold up the lights

2011-11-08T13:12:00.000+02:00

I'm so fckin bored. Drinkin' beer. Wai'n. Lessee where dis goes.

Pesterc*um goddamnit

2011-11-05T11:01:00.001+02:00

Yes, I have been on a fabulous jorney, clickin' my way through Homestuck on the marvellous MSPAINTADVENTURES. And I found this scene that reminded me of the level of humour of one of my best friends, Sunny. So I just had to screenshot it all.

ACT 2

I HAVE FOUND MY BELOVED

2011-10-31T20:44:00.002+02:00

TRUST ME, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU SAW THESE. And please, I encourage you to watch many more.

DANCE OF THE MANWHORE

QUEST OF THE MANWHORE

I LOVE THESE XDDD
YOU ALL SHOULD ALSO WATCH THE PLEASURE ISLAND EPISODES AND CAPTAIN PLANET STUFF.

Karikatyyri

2011-10-31T13:40:00.000+02:00

Löysin ikivanhan karikatyyrikuvan kirjanpidon opettajastani ammattikorkea-ajoilta.

Dumdidumdum

2011-10-25T17:38:00.000+03:00

Tarvin kuulema mikille käyttöä, ja näin parin alkoholipitoisen juoman inspiroimana päätin rohkaistua ja pitkästä aikaa laulaa jonkinnäköisen kappaleentyngän ja jopa äänittää sen akustiikan mustassa aukossa aka. olohuoneessa. Paskoilla välineillä paskassa tilassa, muuta ei voi toivoa kuin särisevää äänityslaatua, mutta ketäpä kiinnostaa, hohhohhoo.
Elikkä vedinpäs sitten coverin Adult Childin Sad Thingistä.

Vihdoin Postremo

2011-10-10T19:14:00.000+03:00

piirtovuoroni on ohitse taas kerran : ) Olen ylpeä kun sain ihmepaniikki-piirrustus-blockista huolimatta aikaan ne neljä sivua joita suunnittelinki (sivut 43-46): http://postremo.nettisivu.org/

Nyt alkaa aika jona pyrin vihdoin tekemään requestini devasta pois alta, plus aloitan http://turmoilish.blogspot.com/ blogissamme mainostetun Dessu/Mikke sarjakuvan piirtämisen. Cerbe on ehtinyt tämän hetken tietojeni mukaan jo sivulle kolme, joten alkaa meikäläisen kiri.

(Lmao. Löysin jonkun kuvan jonka olin joskus wippinä jollekin frendilleni näyttäny mesessä.)

Piirsin myös veikeän jumalattaren erään taiteilijan inspiroimana, löysin hänen tussipiirroksiaan erilaisista tuoleista, mutten vaikka millään yritän niin saa nyt päähäni kyseisen taiteilijan nimeä.

Ja kun on jumalattaria niin on myös niitä jumalia.

Before any artistic updates

2011-09-18T16:37:00.000+03:00

It's a new blog! By me and Cerberus, inspired by our awesome awesome inspirational productions, art and that kinda shit! I think it most probably will contain art stuff about our characters that have merged storylines. (:
TURMOILISH [by] ajatusvaras & Cerberus

Finally

2011-09-17T10:38:00.000+03:00

I'm at home! Yey! I'm so extremely happy.
I was completely worn out, tired and hungover, but still spent the greatest night out with my friends last night.

Ayu (c) me, Mikhail (c) Cerberyusu

Postremo Review

2011-09-14T16:14:00.004+03:00

So the founder of Postremo had at some point asked for some kind of a review on Postremo. And it hit the markets I guess yesterday? Well, anyway. Here's a link for those who can keep up with Finnish: POSTREMO REVIEW

I only read this review today, but boy you don't wanna know how my face looked when I found about this yesterday. I practically shat myself. Seriously. And for only the fact that there had been a review. I had no idea what the person had said, written.

I've never visited that page before, nor do I know anything about the person who made the review. No bad feelings. I promise.

But. I don't feel like making any comments about it. Only thing I can say is, my view on Postremo is not to draw it for people to judge, but to be a part of a fun project together with lots of other fun artists, and maybe even make a reader feel like a part of this fun cool project.

I know I know, I shouldn't get provoked and *takes a deep breath* I'm not. I'm just not the one with the highest self esteem to handle any kind of critique, or even the fact that some person has gone through Postremo with a mind set on judging. And I know that my oppinion is only worth 1/6. I just...ugh, I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I just feel like a wet blanket.

Uahhh. I'd understand the critique on our differing styles, if this was a competition of copying the founder, but ain't Postremo all about showing different syles? Carrying the plot with our own ways of drawing? I'm not a professional, I'm a hobbyist artist who has never before published any real comic style drawings. I'm not aiming to world domination with this shit of mine. I love that we're all different. I love how emotions, personalities and thats shit is mirrored to every comic page produced. I fucking love it and Im fucking proud of it.

Oh ye, i'm fucking pissed. Not at the person who made the review, not at anyone but myself.

Maybe I'll be more careful with anything I publish from now on so I don't have to feel like digging my eyes out everytime I hear someone's viewed my work. Judged something I've innocently put my whole heart into.

A/N: I don't actually give a crap about whats said about my characters. That ^ there, is just purely Still himself. That's not the thing bugging me.

I'm just not ok with being judged. I feel like grabbing my shotgun and shielding Postremo.

This is for

2011-09-14T15:38:00.000+03:00

Kiran (c) kishippu
Some weid cartoonish cuts made out of my old art work thats submitted to my deviantart gallery.
Obviously the third cut was supposed to be Kiran's face, but somehow I lost the shine of making this 3-cut-series.

Little comic strip that never continued. Zuko/Sokka (c) Nickelodeon.

Getting rid of these worth shit feelings:

Joo mä tiedän

2011-09-08T19:26:00.000+03:00

I feel like I'm pathetic even trying.
I...want to give up on drawing.
I suck.
I don't care what you say cause I'm selfish and stupid and I won't listen and I hate myself and everything I do too much.
It's quite like the thought that I know I'll never become anything that matters.
So there's no point trying to...do stuff...that matter to me.
'Cause a side of me will never stop hating, will never understand.
And will just wait for the day my hands shake too much to hold a pen and I will cry so much that I'll die a pitiful death with only the thought that I was never able to. Able to do anything. Anything that didn't slip through my fingers.

And I fucking hate this!
People thinking I need pity and and...ARGH!!!
IF I SAY I'VE FAILED IT MEANS I'VE FAILED MYSELF!!
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW...you think ive succeeded in some areas of my life.
I hate myself. I want to be a ball of dark overflowing hatred and shame and disgust, too tired to keep it all inside, and I want to be nothing to everyone and I want them to see how meaningless I am and everything I do is. And I want you to know I can predict my future. I can see I'll never become what I sometimes hope I'd become.

I wanted to be a runner.
And then they operated on my legs.
Maybe soon I'll have knees made of metal, if I ever want to walk again.

I wanted to be a singer.
And no one ever noticed.
So I never sang.

I wanted to go to school and learn.
And I'm so scared around people I want to die.
And I think about dieing, and being scared, more than I can think about learning.
So I don't learn.
So I don't go to school.
So I don't run.
So I don't sing.
So I...should never try to draw again.
And just wait till my hands are cut off.
That will happen.
Things like that happen to me.
I should stop before it becomes too important to me,
and I'll die when it's taken from me.

Darling

2011-09-07T21:47:00.001+03:00

What did you expect?
Yes, I'm totally into ATLA.
No, nothing can distract me from this.
Nothing.
I almost watched the entire second season today for funs.
Then I found youtube was a friend and ended up getting my hands on a real treasure,
some delicious Jet/Sokka, which just happens to be my second favorite yaoi pairing from ATLA. (1st. is Zuko/Sokka) Kehh.

You shall expect some fightfuck themed Jet/Sokka fanart from me soon.
God, yes.

짙은

2011-09-06T18:28:00.001+03:00

Zitten - Wonderland

"I saw,
you keep walking,
you keep laughing in this world of yours.
"Come and sleep",
You keep talking,
you keep smiling in this world of yours.

"Smile, please smile, believe 'forever'"
You said to me with confidence

"We've lost, my godness don't believe 'forever'"
I said,
to me,
but heard you bleeding.

From you to where?
Must I go?
Please say to me,
Without a word we go to sleep.
Without a word we go to sleep,
in your dream."

Disney

2011-09-04T14:01:00.000+03:00

Something else->

DreamWorks

Prince of Egypt, Ramses

Comics

2011-09-03T12:05:00.000+03:00

I usually have to assure all that these crazy things happen under no alcoholic influence. I can tell you, we were drunk as hell when that happened. Imagine the soft, drunken, seductive voice of someone singing this straight to your ear. [me,kishippu,xailme]

[I (usually) draw my comic updates in Finnish.]

---

xailme, kishippu, me

Panic!

2011-09-02T11:26:00.000+03:00

At the disco. Now playing. This is a nostalgic band for me. I listened to it during the most difficult times I've gone through. Ever. Now I seem to fall in somekind of a romanticized nostalgic trance, when I put on some PanicATD. And somehow I feel that no matter what happens, in 5 years I'll be sitting in front of my computer, in some other place, with some other people, and listening to this band and these same songs. And somehow everything and nothing will be different.

This was my first school week. The first actually week I skipped because of my grandmother's funeral, the next week I skipped because of my panic disorder. I had a fight with myself whether I'd go to school at all, but eventually I did go, this week's monday. I explained to my class teacher about my situation and he seemed to understand. I also gave him a permission to explain my situation to my other teachers. So. Today I had my first huge stress morning. And eventually didn't go to school because of too much panic of being late. I though maybe it would be okay and I would explain this stuff to my teacher on monday. Or get some extra homework. But. He called me. I didn't answer. I hate phonecalls. My panic level rises even talking about this and it gets had to breathe. HE CALLED MY PHONE. I mean...I din't tell him I can't answer phonecalls, and I know he's not a mind reader, he doesn't know I can't do that. Then he sent me a message telling me I have to explain why I skipped class. I thought it was already explanation enough that I have a fucking serious panic disorder!!!! How the hell can he expect me to be able to go to school every morning when I'd starve myself to death cause I can't even go to the store and buy food. But ye, I know. He doesn't know and he can't read my mind and be an understanding teacher. Now I'm stressed to death, no matter how small of a thing this might seem to someone else.

Anyway. This day seems doomed from the start.

Still femme, cleaning the sketched lines. About a time I drew some chics.

Heartless??

Bourei (c) kishippu

Ryoku (c) me

The last two pictures are some really old pieces from my older deviant art gallery.

Moreeee

2011-08-26T22:11:00.001+03:00

More shit. This is becoming the graveyard of unfinished sketches. Since I'm way too bored and tired to write anything meaningful. Actually lately I've been way too tired to even draw, the first pic in this post is the only piece of any sort of art I have managed to produce. 10min sketch + 10min colors with 3 shades of wooden crayons.

Sokka from ATLA.

I've watched the Nickelodion ATLA movie twice now. I know, it's a bit off and the casting could have been much better (tho i think sokka's actor is cute, zuko's should have been way hotter!(pun intended FAYAAAH)) But I fucking love the movie, and the music. It inspires me and it's cool and fun and keeps me from thinking about my piece of shit life. I hate my harddrive for crashing before I ever got to watch any ATLA (anim. vers.).

Still, Freyr, Still, Rockeet

vips of wips and such

2011-08-24T14:11:00.000+03:00

Somethings here i been workin on

She's Tamera, if I remember her name correctly. A request of someone's oc. I've had this sketch for a while, it almost seems like too easy of a project to just finish the lines etc. So I can't seem to be able to start drawing it.

#1 DessBourei comicshots SKETCH

crop clean lines Bourei

Grimmjow fanart sketch, Bleach (c) Tite Kubo

Deneve fanart, my 2k kiriban catcher little brother's request.
Deneve from Claymore, (c) who ever own the rights to Claymore

Introducing Erick Reicht

2011-08-20T21:05:00.000+03:00

25yrs old,
185cm tall,
Manly German guy with a strong accent when he tries to speak French (lives in France)
Rude
Gay

Paskamato seikkailee

2011-08-20T16:39:00.001+03:00

Ensiesiintyminen. Curtains down for the shitworm goddammit.

"Yo."
...
"It's just that you're so fucking ugly."

Keep a straight face

2011-08-20T14:43:00.000+03:00

"When I was a young boy, I was honest
And I had more self control
If I was tempted I would run .

Then when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly
What I wanted, when I wanted it
And I wanted it

Now, I'm having trouble
Differentiating between
What I want and what I need
To make me happy

So instead of thinking, I just act
Before I have a chance to contemplate
The consequence of action

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

'Cause I lie, not because I want to
But I seem to need to all the time
Yeah, I lie and I don't even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I've had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed

And if I asked permission
If I make sure it's okay
I promise I won't slip up this time
You can trust me

But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might dirty up your conscience

And how can you say those things
Why can't you just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face

And how can you say those things
Why can't we just believe
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head"
Stabilo - Flawed design

Today I woke up, having basicly no recollection of the dreams I just saw.
Now I'm drinking lime beer from a huge purple picnic mug.
And feeling kind of useless. And weird.
Stressed out to the level of, quote, "And I will turn off, And I will shut down."
Nothing seems to bring me joy today.